The Last Month of My Life

I realized today that I haven’t written much in the last month, even though it’s been quite a month.  That may be because much of this month has involved the following: (warning, NTSF)

Aand also don’t let your girlfriends see this or they may leave you for me..

it’s pretty hot…

Yup, we’ve once again landed into the wonderful world of sleep deprivation and projectile pooping and well, utter, inexplicable joy.  Lucy Jane was born on 12/13/13, she arrived ridiculously easily to be honest, a long labor but cray fast delivery, it was an absolute blessing for us both.

So we got another of those best Christmas present ever things and now we’re a full car family. Someone recently said Merry Christmas to All the Spikers, and it kinda struck me- there are “all of us” now, we’re a full car load, a family of four, it’s a really strange feeling.  Doesn’t make you feel old or mature still, just strangely unqualified to be a parent once again with all this responsibility. Awesome and nerve racking at the same time.

I honestly expected to be a little less emotional with our second daughter’s arrival- perhaps a dumb idea that the second time is less significant? In the end it was so much the opposite- I was overwrought with joy and love when she arrived, I think perhaps the first child is an unknown thing, you know you want kids but not what it really means.  The second comes with you having a much deeper, realer understanding of the indescribable joy and love that parenthood can bring.  Knowing how much a child means seemed to deepen my reaction to a new addition.

To be honest I was dreading the first few months of having another newborn- Grace’s first few months were hard, really hard. On me anyway… And being a selfish bastard that’s what counts right? Ok maybe not. I had a mixed set of feelings about our second- excitement and anxiety.  But so far this month has been a huge joy, partly because Lucy Jane actually sleeps ten times better than her big sister did, but partly because it’s been almost a whole month of just being with my family.

Which brings me back to the point of this post- the last month. I’ve worked as a social impact org for almost 8 years, like most such orgs the pay is modest but fair and we don’t provide full family health insurance, but we do have an awesomely family friendly workplace and policies.  Making the choice to take a whole month from work once you hit the exec level is really tough- you live with the idea that people really need you, but you have to choose to put time into your family or you risk losing one or the other… So I’m extremely grateful to my CEO Junious Williams for allowing me this time with my new family- many companies wouldn’t give the nod to a time away this long, but it has really been a super valuable time to just be with my girls, all three of them.  When I think about the default in the USA it makes me really fricking angry- we claim to be a Christian country all the time yet we have the most un-Christian, anti-family federal policies and business practices in a developed western country- we don’t encourage strong, healthy families, we encourage profit. 

I’m feeling pressure to get back into the mix, but I don’t want to end this time of just being a dad every day, all day. And all night, like at 4am holding a crying baby while watching Game of Thrones with wireless headphones on.

Oh and sure, sometimes I miss the freedom of not having kids and being able to go to every single hackathon or event in the bay area, but really, you can’t get much happier than sitting on the sofa with a daughter lying on each arm.  This is the shit people.

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